Interview Haikus

Read today about a company that, at the conclusion of the interview, asks the interviewee to write a haiku about the interview experience.

Now I've heard that some companies will ask you off-the-wall questions to see how you think on your feet.  Or they'll ask you how to do a simple task to see how detail-oriented your thinking process is.  Or they'll ask you a question that seems simple, but want to see if you think outside the box and give the usual, easy answer.  I've even sat through some of these kinds of questions.  And in most cases I thought they were as ridiculous as they are.  Truth is, I think most companies that asked them heard about the famous (or infamous) Google interview process, and they wanted to do something that seemed just as hip and trendy so folks would want to work there.  So they just came across as copy-cats.

There were a couple of technical interviews that I sat through where the weird question was beneficial.  Those two interviews were with different companies and a couple of years apart.  They both asked the same question.  How do you make a PB&J?

The first time, I answered the question, but I kind of stumbled on myself because I hadn't really thought it through.  I gave some details, but realized when I left that I had still been a bit high level in my answer.  I didn't get that job.  I think that was more about me telling them I was trying to cut my commute down and then them telling me the job involved a bit of driving to field offices every day.  But I digress.

The second time I was asked the question, I was ready.  I went into mind-numbing detail.  "Get your bread out of the cabinet, and be sure that it's sandwich bread.  I prefer this brand and this variety for these reasons, but as long as it's sliced, you should be fine.  Gently set the loaf of bread on the counter in a way such that it won't fall off.  Now you can get your utensils out of the drawer.  Go to your silverware drawer and pull out a knife.  Not a sharp one, but one of the full-size table knives like they set next to your plate at suppertime.  Pull that out of the drawer and set it on the counter next to the bread.  Now let's find the jelly.  I actually prefer jam, but that's a matter of personal preference..."  The guy didn't even let me finish.  I was five minutes into my answer and just getting to the point of putting the peanut butter on the bread when he finally stopped me and said, "sounds like you can definitely pay attention to the details when you need to."  I was prepared to go on for another five or more minutes.  Don't clown me with a question like that, because, according to Mrs Enfinger back in 6th grade, I got a PHD in class clown.  That job I got.  Or at least got offered.  They didn't offer enough, and I turned it down after a week of trying to get them to increase the offer.  They did, but just barely.

Anyways, most of the time I think those kinds of interview questions and gimmicks don't really serve a purpose.  When I was on the other side of the table, I refused to ask those kinds of questions.  Instead I'd give an actual example they might encounter, and then I'd ask them how they would respond.  Details?  I could tell in their answer if they knew what they were talking about.  I didn't care if they could bore me with the tedious details on how to make a sandwich.

So I was reading this morning and saw this new take on this whole "who can ask the dumbest, most off the wall thing in an interview, and I think this one wins.  Hands down it wins.  Apparently, some company (they didn't say who) would ask, at the end of the interview, for the applicant to write a haiku describing the interview experience.  I thought about it for a couple of minutes, and here's what I penned.  And those that know me know that I'm just brash enough that this is what I would give them.  I present to you, my interview haiku.

​This is the dumbest
Interview question I've had
You’ll hire me or won’t